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FirstImpressionMade` 
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It would be very well appreciated if you did not touch this section. We all like honest people now, don't we. Layout: TM|DD Inspiration/icons: mintyapple&underwent |
 Monday, January 29, 2007|3:50 PMInsecure
yes hello i m back. currently i m running a fever. Temperature:38C. im feelin horrible. not that i m having a flu or anything. i got back the freakin abcess again. its juz so damme annoying. i feel so damme tired like as if i went for a long jog. i feel damme random now. so i m juz gonna type whatever thats comin to my mind. i juz need to pour out. i cant find someone i'm comfortable with. someone whom im close to. i juz dunno if its me. i m finally feelin like i'm back to my old self once again. the one who talks nonsense, crappin away and always smiling. but not completely. ____________________________^^^_____________^^^_______. you see the above line. it goes straight and smooth and then theres disruption in between. yea thats how i feel. i mean ya true, life is full of ups and downs so Yes there'll be disruption. but i've this one huge problem. I THINK TOO MUCH! juz way too much. its not something i want to do , its like involuntary or unintentional for that matter. this is how my brain works. it reviews if i have any problem. if i do, what are they and how serious is it? then i start thinking about it . i get overwhelmed after thinking so much that i get frustrated,angry and sad. esp when it is to do with people whom i relate to everyday and whom ,i consider, play a big role in my life. i just dont know how to explain. i mean i cant go to people and tell them i m like this and u have to believe me. No. its not like that. i honestly feel left out. like i m neither here nor there. you know that feeling? its juz hurting. i dont blame anyone. cos i guess i made things the way it is rite now lol and i think everyone's probably too use to seeing me being quiet for the pass 3 mths ++, that when i'm back to myself ,it feels funny to see me like that once again. (i m juz presuming.) i feel like i m having a war going on in my head. its really sickening. i think my brain is playin tricks on me. even if a problem is a small one, i or rather my brain tend to upsize it! what could have been a small problem then , has become a big problem now. (actually i consider the whole problem over. Nonexsistent) like stated in one of recent post, i m insecure. being the only child in my family, i enjoy comin to school cos i would be able to relate to people of my own age grp. its juz really fun. i loved it when i had loads of frens! like loads of them. i recall one incident where my mom was havin shower and i juz got back from sch. this was in sec 1 okay. yea so i was all excited and i ran to the toilet door , bang it and said to my mom " Ma!! guess what? i made many frens today!" and guess what i started to do? i literally started counting the number of frens i had. Can u believe it? kadavuleh la! "MA!! i GOT 100 FRIENDS!!" hahaha. thats how excited and proud i was when i 1st started sec sch. but as i grew older, i realised that its not the number of frens u have that counts but how many of these frens who will be there for you when you needed him/her. thats what counts in the end. i may have a 1000 frens but if none of them even bothered about being there when i needed them, then whats the point? i'd rather have 3 frens who would be there even when the whole world is against me and the 3 of them and my family are there to support me. so all i wan would be frens who got my back always. its realli hard to find such frens. i have very few friends whom i m close to . i know i have them in my life, but they juz need time to know that they are the ones. WOO! thats was a gd let out! something i havent done in a long time. aight i'm off to have shower and start muggin! gd day all. xoxo 
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