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FirstImpressionMade` 
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It would be very well appreciated if you did not touch this section. We all like honest people now, don't we. Layout: TM|DD Inspiration/icons: mintyapple&underwent |
 Friday, February 02, 2007|5:20 PM
hello yall readers! (DISCLAIMERS: when reading whats written below, pls DO NOT READ it with an ANGRY tone ,BUT a CASUAL tone, in your mind. cos i m NOT typing this with anger, but juz cos i needed to pour out. i m saying this cos ppl tend to assume the tone themselves.its not like u r hearing it, is it? so yes! its betta to let others know the kinda tone to be read with. lol. i hope you get what i mean!) i m pissed or rather i was pissed. its PISSED, NOT ANGRY. they are 2 different things. since ytd. why? cos of the way, that i feel, i've been treated. like invisible. its not that i dont wanna talk you know? i wanna talk! i LOVE to talk. but talk what?!' its not as if i know what going on. talk also i dont feel comfortable. eg: there are 5 ppl. you talk, all 5 listen but only 1 ans. i mean usually when you talk, atleast 2 or 3 will ans. you know that kinda thing? and even if got ans ah, the ans like for the sake of answering.(or at least thats how i feel) like uncomfortness and awkwardness fills the air! i can just feel it! its freakin annoyin. and when that happens, my freakin mood changes the very sec! how to concentrate like that you tell me la? seriously, it aint cool to feel like you are being isolated. seriously, i feel damme down /low/depressed. EMO! i dunno if they are thinking " oh since she wants to be quiet and alone, then okay la. let it be." i mean its wierd la. if thats what yall think ah then my ans is " NO! dont leave me alone. its not that i wanna be like that. i tried talkin like how i used to , but no its not workin. i just dont feel welcomed.i would feel welcomed, if you guys would just be like before.forget everything can?i kinda like forgot everything but when you guys treat me like that ah like damme sad lor. sigh. can like put yourself in my shoes and imagine if sucha thing were to happen to you , what would u do?Just imagine this for awhile. Everything is normal. Everyone juz enjoys your company and all. The going out together,talkin random stuff and what not? Suddenly all of these are taken away from you by people whom u spend loads of enjoyable times with. Like SNAP and its GONE! What would u do? How would u feel? Think.No really ,think about it. IF(its IF), walk away is your answer, then sorry, i'm not prepared and will never be prepared to do so either." i feel like some kinda diseased person or some criminal lor! stay away until like that. if you say " aiyo ! you thinking too much." yes! i m. but like i said before. not that i want to. its just AUTO! unintentional! i cant help it. it runs in the blood. i've tried every way to just forget about it. cry,laugh,go crazy,talk to myself(intrapersonal),think about the fun times,watch movie and what not? of cos not including stupid things like drinking,smoking,cutting myself and whatever la. i m not dumb to do such things and i will never do it! somehow i will forget about it and then when i see them again and the same thing happens and there you go again. its a cycle! gawd! i really m sick and tired of this la. pls la. i'm askin for a priceless thing, thats all. what is it? can stop feeling awkward and making me feel awkward and isolated can? i seriously feel like a dumb dumb you know? just sit there and not say anything. you ask me to talk. ya okay i talk. but about what? you guys know what yall are talkin bout. but i dont. so how liddat? i try join in the conversation oso dunno how to. No clue. i oso cannot anyhow talk what , right? blur-block lor. use handphone as a way of escape . not showin that i feel left out. aiyo i become like someone. *hint* last time oso our grp. den always use handphone. now i know how she would have felt. but that one aiya dunno what to say la. aiyo i dunno if its retribution. sigh. now i seriously cannot take it. taboleh tahan. so i tell yall thru my blog. i scared to tell yall face to face. its too scary and alot of stress involved la. i'll probably hyperventilate and faint on the spot . i also dunno if yall will read anot la.but no harm tryin i guess. is it too much for me to ask? yes i know, NOT EASY. it takes time. sure. slowly, but not too slow. whole-heartedly and willingly. theres this invisible gap between us . close that gap la! lol. i dunno if yall know who you are, but i do hope u do. so yall know what i m thinking now. i'm serious! PLS READ THE ABOVE once again . just in case u read wrongly. and to those who've been wondering why my mood keep changing from damme lively and suddenly damme quiet, the above is the very reason why. it took me a lot of courage to type this out. cos this could easily cause a huge misunderstanding or COULD make anyone of them think "huh? whats wrong with her? so childish! ". pls dont get me wrong. i m just speaking my heart out. i just cant keep this pain to myself. i need to let it out. i think i m sucha carrot! when it comes to others problem i m both strong on the inside and outside. (thats is , an uncooked carrot.) but when it comes to me, as in the problem, i may look strong on the outside but soft on the inside. (that is, a boiled carrot. which mean the boiling is the problem i m facing) lol. siao! i think i m crazy. talking rubbish. so random! ya so this is whats been bothering me since ytd. -END of why Was i pissed- anw i went out with ally yesterday. we took a couple of photos and den ate ice cream cos ally pandan felt like fainting cos she's got low bp and low glucose! omg! den she said she was so aunty . i cant rmb why? then i came up with something.lol THERES AN AUNTY IN EVERY WOMAN! like wtf! so random and dumb!hahaha and went to watch HAPPY BIRTHDAY! so sad la. i mean yea the movie is damme sad and all. but i damme sad cos i had to leave half way while the movie was going on la! SO KNS LA! actually its my fault la. i dint tell my mom i was gonna watch movie with ally ma. of i told her she'll scold me and ground me or something cos its exam period and she hasnt seen me studyin. lol :P den she asked me to be home by 6.45! WTH! den poor ally had to watch the movie till the end! sigh. but i still know the ending. omg like wth la! how the heck can it end like that! argh! damme sad. comin to tdy. i met timmay aft sch. went to a cafe near his area. omg! the ice choco is so darn GD! almost as gd as the one in esplanade! in fact slightly betta! we even ordered another one more each! haha. den we had satay. oh oh and here comes the best part! we played POOL! omg. i never knew i was gd. not some champion or anything. but gd enough for someone who hadnt played it in a really long time. we played atleast 7 games b4 we left! i tell you me 3 rd game was darn cool la! i SCORED 3 IN A ROW!! 2 games i nearly won! shiok la. i love pool! haha tim said i had natural talent. who knows? MAyB. lol. i had a gr8 time out with him . yea well i got home at 5 and i started blogging. lol. it took me almost 2 hours to complete this post! my goodness. yea well i guess i shall end here for tdy. thanks for hearing me out. shall update the soonest! till then, you r loved! xoxo 
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